Henry Ford

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.

Benjamin Franklin

If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can take it away from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

Albert Einstein

I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.

Sarah Caldwell

Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can - there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.

Martina Horner

What is important is to keep learning, to enjoy challenge, and to tolerate ambiguity. In the end there are no certain answers.

Showing posts with label Personality Development. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personality Development. Show all posts

Monday, May 31, 2021

Become an Agile Learner

 

Learn... to be successful

What’s the most important skill you need to succeed in today’s work world? It’s not technical proficiency or leadership competency—it’s the ability to learn.  

In today’s ever-evolving workplaces, continuous learning is a must for remaining competitive and providing ongoing value.

Why?

“The half-life of skills is getting shorter.”— Joanna Daly, Vice President of Talent

Without a concerted effort to continually refresh and renew your skills, you run the risk of falling behind.

But it’s one thing to talk about the importance of learning and another to actually do it.

As children, we spend much of our time in school learning how to learn. As adults, we often get out of the habit.

Think about playing a sport or mastering an instrument. Practice, repetition, reflection, and feedback are all key to success. The same is true of learning new job skills. 

You don’t need to wait for guidance from your manager to build new skills. But you do need to be sure you’re focusing your learning in the right areas:

  • Consider what’s valuable to your organization
  • Research the skills companies in your industry are looking for
  • Set up opportunities to develop skills where you have gaps
  • Enlist people to provide you with feedback as you try out new skills

Monday, December 2, 2019

Adopting a growth or a fixed mindset


Sunday, December 1, 2019

S.M.A.R.T

S.M.A.R.T
Goals to achieve a better life

What is Success? Why do you need a Goal?
Success (the opposite of failure) is the status of having achieved and accomplished an aim or objective.

In fact, without setting goals, there is no clear destination. When we do make the effort to set goalswe are forced to contemplate the things we want to achieve 


S = Specific Clearly state the desired outcome

M = Measurable Provide a numerical target that clearly defines what results are necessary to achieve the goals

A = Attainable Goals must be realistic or people will become disengaged

R = Realistic The goal should be realistic and achievable, within the time you’ve set

T = Trackable Goals should be tracked continuously to find out where you have reached, what percentage has been accomplished, how much has to be accomplished, and so on

Monday, September 9, 2019

The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down

How to Be Calm and Mindful in a Fast-Paced World

   

About the Author
Haemin Sunim is a renowned Zen Buddhist teacher and writer. His book has sold more than three million copies and was a number-one bestseller in South Korea for 41 weeks.

Summary

The World

People typically think that their minds are totally separate from the outside world and that there’s a distinct boundary between the two. But the Buddha teaches that the boundary is paper-thin and ultimately nonexistent. How you view the world negatively or positively is merely a projection of your mind. Your mind establishes your reality.
The world intrinsically is not good or bad, happy or sad; it simply exists.
Your view of the outside world depends upon your interests and what you care about. For example, living a busy life is usually a choice. The world does not care about your activities or responsibilities. You have the option of taking on fewer commitments. You don’t have to feel overwhelmed. A restful mind makes for a restful world.
“When your mind is joyful and compassionate, the world is, too. When your mind is filled with negative thoughts, the world appears negative, too.”

Serenity

Contentment is the key to serenity. It enables you to appreciate the company of those around you. Contentment also allows you to accept your past. You can drop your baggage and acknowledge negative feelings such as anger, stress and irritation. Awareness of your feelings changes your perspective and allows you to examine your emotions from the outside.
Awareness is always available to you. Do not allow negative feelings to build up inside of you; they are poisonous. Meditation, talking with someone or exercising can help relieve the toxicity. Combat painful memories by focusing on the present. Unpleasant thoughts will dissipate when you are in the here and now. You can tame your racing thoughts by being in the present. Don’t view the world through the prism of the past. Unpleasant memories can make you sad. Accept the fact that people and circumstances change. Try to live only in the present.
“When you criticize someone, see if you are doing so out of envy. Your criticism reveals more about yourself than you realize. Even if you are correct, people may still find you unappealing.”

Self-Compassion
Practice self-love. Acknowledge life’s challenges while staying compassionate toward yourself. When you experience overwhelming feelings, list all of your stressors on a piece of paper – including minor things such as responding to emails. Try to relax. Tomorrow you can take care of the items on your list. You’ll be in a good frame of mind when you wake up.
“When we are comfortable with ourselves and have accepted ourselves wholly, others will find us approachable and will like us for who we are.”
Don’t let criticism defeat you, particularly when it comes from people who don’t know you. Don’t be afraid of mistakes. Try to understand what they are teaching you, and accept those lessons with gratitude and humility. Find joy in life and look for humor, a fundamental part of living. Laugh at yourself and with others.
When you are feeling particularly needy and looking to others for consolation, try reaching out to people who need succor, and offer comfort. Assisting others will help you feel better. Caring for others and helping them succeed will brighten your mood. Acts of kindness elevate your spirit and self-esteem.

Negative Emotions

The first step in conquering negativity is recognizing when it’s driving your thinking. The second step is accepting rather than suppressing it. View negative emotions as “raw energy” instead of giving them labels such as “anger” or “hatred.” Accessing that energy can help you realize that a negative emotion is fleeting. It will either disappear or expose another emotional layer. Self-awareness helps you realize that negative emotions merely come and go; they do not define you. Embrace your negative emotions and release them. Get in touch with your subconscious through meditation. Silence allows you to access your innermost emotions.
“Having critics means what you’re doing is getting people’s attention. Have courage, and continue down the path you’re on.”

Pride

Practicing acceptance calms the mind in the midst of constant and rapid change around you. “Swallowing your pride” brings humility, opens channels of communication and allows you to hear everyone. Most people spend their lives resisting reality. 
“Everyone is kind to someone they meet for the first time. The question is how long their kindness lasts. Don’t be fooled just because someone is nice to you at first.”
One reality is that you can’t control other people that’s impossible. Most people have trouble controlling their own minds, much less other human beings. Other people will resist attempts to control them, just as you would. Allow others to have their beliefs and viewpoints. Trying to convince them to see the world through your eyes invariably creates arguments and hurt feelings. Resist the urge to react immediately when you hear something that angers you. Pride often leads to painful disagreements. Winning an argument can leave the other person with hurt feelings. Sleep on it before you fire off an email or text. Quick emotional responses often generate undesirable results.

True to Yourself

Enthusiasm is a positive trait, though it can negatively affect your interaction with others.

Find a middle ground between zealousness and effectiveness.
“With love in our hearts, we find even the most mundane things sacred and beautiful.”
Consider how many people will benefit from a decision you make. If ego drives a decision and needlessly harms others, it is wrong. Don’t save all your kindness and generosity for outsiders. Betraying or ignoring family members and close friends can turn your world upside down.
Don’t allow others to define happiness for you. Be true to yourself; do what makes you happy. Choose happiness over success, because you can be successful and miserable. If you are doing well in life, ask yourself whether you have taken advantage of or hurt anyone. Material possessions don’t compensate for the unhappiness that troubled relationships cause.
“Our consciousness may desire money, power and prestige, but our subconscious desires selfless love, harmony, humor, beauty, sacredness, peace and acceptance.”

Getting Along

Many people strive to live in a beautiful home, drive a classy automobile and maintain their youthful appearance. Developing solid relationships is not often as high a priority. Having fulfilling relationships with loved ones and friends enable you to overcome life’s challenges. Cultivating good relationships requires striking a balance between spending too much or too little time interacting. Even the best relationships require participants to have personal space. Enmeshment can create resentment. Avoid conflict by practicing respect and humility. Be genuine and honest. Telling someone that they hurt your feelings is much more effective than going on the offensive. Speaking harshly of others ultimately hurts you the most because negativity will take over your thoughts.

Forgiveness

Forgiving those who may have wronged you isn’t easy. But forgiveness is the only way to unburden yourself and live a happy life. During the process of forgiveness you may experience anger and bitterness. Your circumstances may seem unfair. Acknowledge and accept these feelings. Even though your heart may want to hold on to resentment, make the conscious decision to forgive. Look beneath the surface to see if emotions such as grief, fear or shame fuel your anger. Eventually, you may be able to show compassion toward your adversary. If you continue to clash with another person, perhaps you both share the same character flaws.
“No one is inherently good or bad. Only the circumstance in which we encounter each other is good or bad.”

Love

Like the sun, which provides sustenance to all living things, love is unconditional and encompassing. The more you chase love, the less likely you are to find it. Love will appear on its own time. Love occurs naturally without effort. Trying to love someone isn’t genuine love. Love is not enough to build an enduring relationship; that takes trust, and building trust takes time. Love means trusting another person and being willing to listen to him or her simply out of love. Don’t try to change or improve the people you love. Love means investing your soul in another human being. Infatuation doesn’t require responsibility or commitment. Infatuation focuses on your feelings more than on the other person’s feelings. You don’t have to do anything to prove your love; your presence is often enough.
“Rather than always seeking comfort from others, offer your comfort and listen to others. In the process of helping, you will be healed.”
Your feelings of love may not match the other person’s. Professing your love prematurely can be counterproductive. When a relationship ends, taking a small step away from your bitter feelings can help lessen your pain and keep you stable. Try not to rush into another relationship after one ends; give yourself “time to be whole again.” You can find love everywhere – not only in relationships. Find beauty in the world around you, and you’ll discover love.
True happiness is finding someone who accepts you as you are. Even successful people can feel inadequate if they believe they suffer grievous flaws. Happiness flourishes when you have positive relationships with those around you.
“Do not fight your negative emotions. Observe and befriend them.”
Life presents more of the mundane than the extraordinary and you may find yourself bored, which may be the result of not concentrating. Find contentment in routine activities such as driving to work or standing in line at the grocery store. Pride often stands in the way of honesty.

A Fact of Life
It’s a fact of life: Just as you don’t like everyone, everyone doesn’t have to like you. Don’t worry about other people’s opinions. Try not to be offended. Follow your heart to happiness. How other people feel about you is not your problem – it’s theirs. Life has twists and turns that are out of our control, so live with “panache and flair,” no matter what. Meeting people you admire will give you a boost of inspiration and optimism.
“One lesson of maturity is that we should not take our thoughts too seriously, and must learn to curb our ego and see the bigger picture.”

Thoughts

You can only think of one thing at a time, so be careful with your thoughts. Wise people prefer listening to talking. When you think you know something, you close your mind to new knowledge. Rigid beliefs can prevent you from seeing reality, but you can learn more easily if you are open and admit your deficiencies. Wisdom means looking at both the big picture and at specifics. Don’t race to solve another person’s problems. Listening with sincerity is often enough. Like a poor driver who brakes too often, a poor listener selfishly interrupts good conversations.

Acceptance

Beware of clever tricksters who make grand promises and flatter you excessively. They will make you feel like a winner while, in reality, they have won. Your desire for acceptance and approval doesn’t make you inferior; it’s part of the human condition. To counteract such feelings, help others by volunteering; it can enrich your life and increase your happiness. It doesn’t matter what initially motivates you to volunteer. Working part time or volunteering help you learn about yourself. You will also find out what work environments suit you.
“If we know how to be content, we can relax our endless striving and welcome serenity.”

Career

Some people know as children what they want to be when they grow up. Most people need years to find their calling. The passion to pursue a particular career is not necessarily innate; it can develop through every day experiences. Choose a career that interests you. Don’t worry about what others say. Rely on your instincts. Set goals in life that align with your hopes and aspirations – not someone else’s. The only person you should compete against is yourself.
Be aware of turnover rates when evaluating a potential job. The company’s size or the salary you earn is not as important as its focus and stability. Be wary of organizations that struggle to retain workers. Some employees mistakenly believe that working long hours or foregoing vacations define their value. In fact, how well you do your job and your contribution to your company is more important. No amount of money is worth sacrificing your freedom. Consider your options, make a thoughtful decision and follow through without hesitation.
“Choose happiness, not success, as your life’s goal. If you become successful but aren’t happy, then what is the point?”

Courage

Life comes with no guarantees. Be courageous. Take advantage when opportunities present themselves; you only get so many. Follow your convictions to chart your own unique course.

The Way to Wealth

Benjamin Franklin

    

About the Author
A Founding Father of the United States, Benjamin Franklin, born in 1706, was a statesman, revolutionary, author, inventor, scientist, firefighter and chess master. He performed breakthrough experiments on electricity, proved that lightning was an electrical phenomenon and invented the lightning rod. He also devised the Franklin Stove, a simple, effective device that captures the heat of a fireplace and reflects it back into a room; an odometer for horse-drawn carriages; and bifocal glasses. Franklin researched and named the Gulf Stream ocean current. A masterful chess player, he wrote the second known essay on chess published in the United States. He co-founded one of the earliest volunteer firefighting companies in America and served as governor of the state of Pennsylvania. Franklin became a fervent abolitionist, freeing his slaves and opposing slavery in the United States and elsewhere. A tireless public servant, Franklin risked his fortune and his life opposing England’s rule over the American colonies. He was a leader of the American Revolution and contributed to the writing of the Declaration of Independence. He was the first Postmaster General of the United States and helped establish its postal service. During the Revolutionary War, Franklin lived in Paris as the American ambassador to France. After the war, he attended the Philadelphia Convention, which produced America’s Constitution. Franklin is a signatory of the US Constitution as well as of the Declaration of Independence.

Summary

About Taxes
A crowd gathers, awaiting the opening of the doors to an auction. An older man strolls by, and the crowd prevails upon him to share his views of the world. The old man is Father Abraham, and he has no shortage of opinions. He agrees to talk, but only briefly, since “a word to the wise is enough.”
“But dost thou love life, then do not squander time, for that is the stuff that life is made of.”
Members of the crowd express their worries over the current state of taxes. Father Abraham tells them that the government’s taxes are indeed heavy, but nothing compared to the taxes that citizens levy upon themselves with their behavior.
Idleness taxes each “twice as much,” pride “three times” and folly “four times” as much as any government. No state can lessen or abate those taxes; only the citizen’s death provides freedom from their toll.

About “Industry”
A truly onerous government might demand one-tenth of every citizen’s time as a tax payment. But idleness takes much more time than that. Indolence reduces your life span by making you susceptible to illness. Lethargy functions like rust and eats away at human health. Activity keeps you well, in that “the used key is always bright.”
“He who rises late must trot all day, and shall scarce overtake his business at night.”
Time is your most precious asset. Frittering away time means wasting your most valuable possession: the limited days of your existence. You cannot recover wasted time or recapture it when you need more hours to complete some crucial task. Whatever time on Earth is allotted to you will never be enough. Spend it wisely.
“Industry pays debts, while despair increases them.”
Not wasting time means being “diligent.” Work hard every day to achieve what you want. “Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” For the slothful, every task proves arduous. If you sleep late, you have to hurry all day long to have any hope of catching up with your responsibilities before bedtime comes again. If you are lazy, you move at such a slow pace that “Poverty” is certain to catch you.
“Since thou are not sure of a minute, throw not away an hour.”
Stay in control of your business, lest it control you. If you indulge in idle dreams you might lose all you have, never mind any wish of gaining more in the future. “He who lives upon hope will die fasting.” If you can harness the energy of your wishes into “Industry,” you won’t need to dream. Achieving anything requires hard work and suffering, but if you have a “trade,” you possess an “estate.” If your trade is your “calling,” you can ask little more of life, for a calling enables you to work with pride while loving to do what you must to earn a living.

About Procrastination
“Plough deep, while sluggards sleep, and you shall have corn to sell and keep.” Turn your hand to immediate tasks now because you don’t know what obstacles the future might bring. Realize that “one today is worth two tomorrows.” Sitting around and worrying about your problems gives them a chance to grow. Diligent work reduces every difficulty, whether it is spiritual or financial. But tending to your work means doing each task when it should be done and avoiding procrastination. “Never leave ‘til tomorrow what you can do today.” You would feel shame if your boss caught you doing nothing. In this world, regardless of the task, whether it is menial or important, you are always your own boss. You should feel a similar shame when you are idle, even if you work for yourself.
“Keep thy shop and thy shop will keep thee.”
The job before you may seem hard to do and unending, but if you stick to your tasks every day, you will see “great effects.” The more you slack off, the more work will await you when you finally labor as you should. Make “diligence and patience” your bywords. You know that “little strokes fell great oaks,” but when all those little strokes face you, you might wonder if you could take a small break. No; “since you are not sure of a minute, throw away not an hour.” Leisure comes to those who use time efficiently, and you should spend it doing something useful. Only the diligent worker can attain that kind of leisure. A lazy person will yearn for it always. “Many...would live by their wits only, but they break for lack of stock.”

About Trust
Those who spin their cloth without ceasing can wear as many garments as they wish. Being industrious means giving “steady, settled and careful” attention to your work and life, and using discrimination in trusting others. The best situation is to have your own business, because “he that by the plough would thrive himself must either hold or drive.” In your daily labors, you can choose to be the plowman or the mule. And if you are the mule, you will be under someone’s yoke. However if you choose to be the plowman, you must plow every single day.
“Want of care does more damage than want of knowledge.”
Tend to that which is yours, for “want of care does more damage than want of knowledge.” Keep your eye on your workers. Leaving them to do as they please is like leaving your wallet open so they might take whatever they want. Trusting others too much is a sure path to ruin. If you take care of your own affairs, then you know you have a supervisor you can trust. “If you would have a faithful servant, serve yourself.” But if you supervise affairs for yourself, make sure you don't neglect any aspect. “For the want of a nail the shoe was lost; for the want of the shoe the horse was lost; and for want of a horse the rider was lost.” What might seem like a tiny moment of carelessness or disregard can have profound, far-reaching negative effects.

About “Frugality”
Even if you are industrious and watch your affairs carefully, all will be for naught if you are not frugal. Spending what you earn on fleeting pleasures is deceptively easy, but “a fat kitchen maketh a lean will.” If you want wealth, you must earn money and save it. Saving is far more difficult than acquiring. You should dispense with “expensive follies,” because “Women and wine, game and deceit / Make the wealth small and the want great.” Little expenses add up. If you engage in many small indulgences, you will drain your pockets. “Fools make feasts, and wise men eat them.”
“Always taking out of the meal tub and never putting in, soon comes to the bottom.”
At the door of the auction house, Father Abraham reminds the members of the crowd that they have gathered to buy things they do not need. “You call them goods, but if you do not take care, they will prove evils to some of you.” If you repeatedly buy things you do not need, before long you will have to sell that which you need. Vanity is a great source of foolish spending. Many people go about looking quite fine and fashionable, but with their stomachs crying out for food. “Silks and satins, scarlets and velvets, put out the kitchen fire.” Fine clothes and wares are not necessities; they’re not even “conveniences.” By such indulgences the genteel sink to being beggared, and then must borrow from those they would not ordinarily bother to greet on the street. If you are industrious and frugal, then you need never borrow, since borrowing is the ruin of honor. “A ploughman on his legs is higher than a gentleman on his knees.”

About Pride and Debt
To learn the true value of money, “go and try to borrow some.” Someone who tries to find a loan will meet only anguish. Pride can push you past any reasonable sense of expenditure. If you acquire one lovely item, you will want 10 more. Squelching the first urge to buy is far easier than fulfilling all the desires that your first purchase will trigger. Keep to your station. Dressing above your status makes your peers envy you and your betters think you foolish. What good is being proud of fancy clothes when they bring suffering to your family? Pride won’t make you healthy, “ease your pain” or make you a better person.
“When the well is dry, they know the worth of water.”
Going into debt means giving away your freedom, dignity and power. “The second vice is lying, the first vice is running into debt.” You might like the idea of buying now and paying over a six-month span, but during those six months and likely beyond, your creditor has the true control of your life and affairs. If you must pay late, you will be too embarrassed to see the person you owe, and will sneak about, making excuses and sacrificing your honor for pennies. If you are free, you shouldn’t be fearful or mortified to encounter any other individual. But being in debt robs you of your character and your moral fiber. “It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright.”
“Fond pride of dress is sure a very curse Ere fancy you consult, consult your purse.”
What if the government issued a law saying you could not “dress like a gentleman or gentlewoman,” or eat a fine meal? You would argue strenuously that you should be able to wear what you please and dine as you like. Yet when you put yourself in debt, you subject yourself to an identical “tyranny.” All authority over your life resides with your creditor, who can put you in prison for debt or sell you as a servant to earn back what you owe.
“A small leak will sink a great ship.”
You may think you have a bargain when you sign your debtor’s contract, and, with all the time the terms of your debt provide, you’ll have no problems paying. But when you owe money, time seems to move faster than usual, and money accrues more slowly. Remember, too, “Creditors have better memories than debtors.” Creditors pay close attention to the calendar and are ever mindful of the date. You may hope your creditors will forget the day your note comes due, but they never will.
The term of your debt will inevitably feel and then prove to be much shorter than you would like it to be. “Those have a short Lent who owe money to be paid at Easter.”
“For age and want save while you may, No morning sun lasts a whole day.”
Acquiring funds will always be difficult, but expense is perpetual – the only certainty you will face aside from death. “It is easier to build two chimneys than to keep one in fuel.” You are far better off going to bed hungry than waking up owing anything to anyone. “Get what you can, and what you get, hold.”

About Knowledge and Good Advice
“Reason and wisdom” should form the basis of the “doctrine” you follow. Even if you practice being thrifty, practical and conscientious, you still need “the blessing of heaven.” Ask for this blessing with humility, and do not neglect those who clearly lack that blessing. Act with modesty, be charitable and aid the less fortunate.
“In the affairs of this world, men are saved not by faith, but by their want of it.”
Experience “keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.” You can offer wise counsel, but “they that cannot be counseled cannot be helped.” Just because someone hears your advice does not mean that he or she is going to change. At this point, Father Abraham ceases talking and goes on his way. The people gathered had listened to him with great attention and nodded their approval at much of what he had to say.
“If you will not hear Reason, she will surely rap your knuckles.”
The minute the old man leaves their company, however, everyone who has so enjoyed his speech immediately does the opposite of everything he had advised. The doors to the auction open, the crowd rushes in and everyone begins to bid and spend. Some spend money they possess, and others spend money that belongs to them only for a day or a month or six months, depending on the terms they could negotiate.
Richard Saunders, the author of Poor Richard’s Almanack, considers buying cloth for a new coat, after some reflection, he decides thriftily to keep wearing his old one. He leaves the auction, telling those who would read his thoughts, “I am, as ever, thine to serve thee.”

This Messy Magnificent Life

A Field Guide

               

About the Author
New York Times best-selling educator Geneen Roth teaches writing workshops about personal growth and speaks nationally, including on 20/20 and the Today Show.

Summary

Daily Life Is Full of Beauty
You don’t need to keep thinking something is wrong with you. Be comfortable with who you are, as you are. Let yourself feel all that you feel, but without having to act on every feeling. Reflect on your emotions without accepting the worry, loneliness and lack of self-esteem they sometimes breed. Living with a constant sense of having to be better is a form of suffering. Daily life is full of beauty. Relinquish the dramatic narratives of the past and "drop the me" so you can turn to the “peace and quiet joy” that are always present.

Issues with Food Aren’t About Food
Many people believe their problems will disappear if they lose five, 15 or 50 pounds. But after every diet, even when they do lose weight, pain and difficulties remain. Food isn’t the problem. Avoiding pain is the basis of any addiction. As long as the root pain remains, so will addiction to food, money, sex, alcohol or anything else. Addictive behavior and its ramifications destroy you but also serve you by distracting you from real pain. These behaviors provide a problem – something to focus on that isn’t the larger issue hiding behind whatever the addictions conceal.
“Stop trying to be the self you imagine you would be if you were smarter, prettier, thinner, kinder, more accomplished than you are.”
Dieting doesn’t make your pain disappear, or the weight-loss industry wouldn’t make $60 billion a year. Your sense of emptiness inside is real. To stop eating when you’re full is to recognize an ending, a void in your life. Eating to fill that silence doesn’t work. Instead, listen to it. When you’re at the table, take a moment to notice the silences between eating and not eating.
“There isn’t a someday. There never was. No one has ever been to the future that you keep putting your life on hold for.”
People often want more, even of something they don’t really want, to avoid having nothing. Get comfortable with the emptiness that you’ve been avoiding. You will learn more about a sadness you don’t understand and discover how more food can never satisfy the longing that remains. Identify the longing and address it.

Establish Boundaries
Food issues often arise when women worry about how others will touch, desire or use their bodies. Food acts as a means of numbing confusing, intrusive physical experiences. The Red String Project can teach you about your personal boundaries. Find a length of string and sit down. Make a circle around your body with the string. How close is too close?
“Drop the war. End the Me Project. Stop trying to get rid of, improve, resist or otherwise fix yourself.”
Many people don’t know their borders, so they let other people invade their physical and psychic space. Not everyone believes in “energetic boundaries,” but everyone knows when someone stands too close or senses it when someone is invading their “personal space.” Worldly and capable people – homemakers, CEOs, therapists, lawyers and artists – fall apart when they finally learn it’s okay to limit how others approach them. For many people, women in particular, a childhood of inappropriate touching or poking creates confusion about what’s acceptable for other people to do to their bodies. In November 2016, 27 million women responded to a call on Twitter to share stories of sexual assault. For some, it happened at home. For others, it was their only source of love. Their stories presented continuing pain and distress.
“Attention is everything. Without it, all else is a temporary fix and no long-lasting change is possible.”
Recognize that the situation that abused you is over and no longer has power over you. That doesn’t mean you’ll stop feeling emotions about what happened. Knowing that it no longer has power won’t necessarily provide lasting peace. A the moment when someone touched your body without your desire or consent, a set of ideas and beliefs attached themselves to you and to that moment. Learning to untangle those ideas and beliefs will help you regain the power you lost. Recognize that you are an adult who has the right to choose how close someone gets to you.

Cultivate Attention and Noticing
Where does your attention go? If you see the world through the lens of all that you don’t have, then you only see what you’re missing. Many people associate something lacking with loneliness or scarcity. But having more or enough doesn’t bring satisfaction. That comes from how you attend to the world around you. If you lost all your savings, you might be grateful for things you don’t think to notice now, like sunshine or your favorite mug.
“When a woman’s energy is tied up in judging her body, it ties up her power as well.”
In moments of crisis, panicky thoughts draw you into your own private hell. Instead, focus on your breath. Consider how many things you thought were wrong before the crisis. Your thoughts are a product of your attention, and where you put this attention is how you will experience the world. Give yourself one minute, five times a day, whenever you want, to notice the world around you. Rather than the constant stream of thoughts in your head, observe where you live, work and breathe. Several times a day, notice a single full breath, from your first intake of air all the way to the final moment of exhaling.
“We’re not sure what the sadness is about or why we feel inconsolable, but we’re sure the solution is to take more, have more, eat more.”
These practices will help you become more aware. They cultivate a “puppy mind,” a mind that delights in the world. Change where you focus your attention so that your attempts to overcome addictions, behaviors and pain can provide more than temporary solutions.

Your Ghost Selves
Everyone carries around former selves. These “ghost children” live in stories of the past that continue into the present. They tend to arise in response to a trigger, and they feel very familiar. They come with frequently told stories about abandonment, loss and failure that years of repetition turn into your most authentic truths. Ghost children’s appearances and their stories spur many people’s addictive patterns. Voices of ghost children are often debilitating. Addictive behavior exists to drown them out.
“Stop believing your thoughts. You are not your beliefs, opinions, emotions or thoughts.”
Though it may seem painful or scary, listen to the stories that your ghost children tell. They exist because some moment in your history was too traumatic for you to experience at that time. Each of your ghost children remains frozen in time. Fear of ghost children gives power to that moment when you were a frightened child. Listening allows the beliefs surrounding that story – ideas about how worthless or incompetent or unlovable you might be – to dissolve. Inviting a ghost child to join you will introduce unpleasant feelings. But they will soon bring tenderness for the little person whose fear now has a place to rest. The monsters will fade as you understand the complexities and confusions of the situation. You will experience the present without the shadows of the past.

Triggers as Teachers
Triggers happen in an instant and send you flying through a story an inner voice is telling. Triggers differ for everybody. They come from “your history and vulnerabilities.” You believe your feelings are an accurate assessment of who you are, and you get lost in self-reproach, blame and victimhood. Many people have an inner bully who narrates all the things they did wrong to wind up in a negative current situation. Listening to that, they start to live in an imaginary place where things are different. The actual present is a pale comparison to their fantasies. Most people believe what the bully voice says because it seems to provide instructions on how to never feel bad again.
“Power is not a function of what we do, say or achieve if it is not also connected to how we live in our physical selves.”
Noticing when triggers happen diminishes their power. Certain physical sensations provide clues to triggering: feeling small, having a hollow chest, being drained of emotions, or feeling paralyzed and indecisive. The suffering that this voice engenders is not who you are. That voice is a prison.
Don’t believe it. Don’t go into the fantasy of another reality. Stay present to recognize what a trigger does to you, and you can open the prison door.

Blaming
The memory of pains you accrued in childhood linger into adulthood. Identifying how adults hurt you or did not protect you is part of acknowledging the pain and confusion that created the ghost children, the triggers and the prison cell. The problem extends when blaming continues. To recognize not only that you are in a prison, but what makes you choose to live in one, is to break out and be truly free.
“There are many ways of truth telling, but the best way I know is to ask questions and be relentlessly honest in answering them.”
Being disappointed in others and blaming them for behaving completely in their own character but other than you wish is a prison cell of your own making. The question becomes why you insist on expecting people to be other than they are. Blaming them for behaving as they always do makes no sense. Only your thoughts create your prison. List the people in your life whom you blame for the pain and suffering you experience. Write what they did to you, what you thought they should have done and how you feel about them. Ask how you participated in the situation. Recognize if your actions facilitated their behavior in some way. This honest assessment will help you stop living as a victim.

Complaining
Complaining about a situation never helps. To complain is “like eating rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.” Complaining makes you avoid the present by reliving a past moment and comparing it to a fantasy situation. Complaining is a common form of communication. Overcoming it takes effort. For many people, conversation becomes an exchange of complaints. Learn how not to share your misery or frustration. Avoiding complaining is hard in the beginning, but it quickly becomes worthwhile as you begin to notice other things. You will have novel life experiences to share and complaints will fade as your means of engagement with the world.

Living in the Present or for the Future
The advantage of therapy is giving your challenges to someone else to help you fix them. But, you don’t need to wait for a therapist, a knight in shining armor or anyone else to save you. You save yourself every day. That doesn’t mean therapy isn’t important or helpful. Therapy teaches many people that “no” or “I don’t want to” are acceptable messages to say to others. These are important lessons. Therapy won’t produce a magic moment when all your problems disappear. You will likely always have voices telling you what’s wrong and pains that plagued you when you were younger. Therapy won’t make them go away. But it can teach you how to deal with them day to day.
“It’s time to be your own authority.”
Is life going to be better in the future, or is it pretty good right now? Waiting for life to improve, for the fairy dust to settle and turn everything magically better, means not looking at today and realizing how good it is. Many people have already done a lot of work on themselves, and yet they wait for everything to be perfect, for all their problems to disappear. But what if okay is okay? Some days, when you feel really good, bad things might happen – like experiencing rejection, making mistakes or disappointing others. These events aren’t all of who you are. You and your situation might not be perfect, but it’s good enough.

“What’s Not Wrong”
The monk and teacher Thich Nhat Hanh asked students at his Buddhist farm, Plum Village Center in France, to raise their hands if they were not suffering from a toothache. Everyone did. The experience of “not-a-toothache” is worth recognizing and celebrating. He proposed his students celebrate their lack of toothaches and consider all their other toothache-free moments in life. Day to day, problems loom large. Unfortunately, that means you can easily forget all that’s good or painless. Ask, “What’s not wrong in your life?” five times a day. Spend 10 seconds on it each time, and realize how much good is around you that you might ignore.
“Let me remember to pay attention to the ordinary, not just to the extraordinary.”
Be careful about making life rules for yourself, even about good things you want to cultivate. Rules start to feel like obligations, and you will feel compelled to break them. That fuels and repeats a cycle of shame and punishment. Let ideas be present in the moment. You can use them as possible touchstones for later use – or not.

Beauty
If you have trouble sleeping, don’t berate yourself over the hours lost. Instead, create a ritual, like stepping outside and opening your arms to the stillness of the stars. Beauty is present in how you see the world. Today’s culture associates beauty with youth, but that positions beauty as something “to be seen” and not as an act of seeing. View the world beautifully. Where wonder and delight exist, so does beauty. If it takes the form of, say, a bright blue vest completely unsuitable for your work or home life — but that makes your heart swell — then let that blue vest provide the enchantment your life deserves.

Sunday, September 8, 2019

To-Do List Formula

A Stress-Free Guide to Creating To-Do Lists That Work!

          

About the Author

Lifestyle management expert Damon Zahariades has written several time-management and productivity books, including The 30-Day Productivity Plan, The Art of Saying No and The Time-Chunking Method. He also produces the Art of Productivity blog.

Summary

The Need to Track
Properly set up and used, to-do lists are a basic, effective task-management system. However, many people use ineffective task management strategies that don’t help them accomplish their daily chores. Counterintuitively, many to-do list systems sabotage overall productivity, a phenomenon called the “productivity paradox.” Inadequate systems waste your time, add to your frustration and create stress. And since they don’t help you complete your tasks on time, tasks mount up – which can be overwhelming.

Worthwhile Systems
Effective to-do list systems are out there. They aren’t perfect, but they do the job. A quality to-do list system can deliver eight benefits:
1. Giving you “control over your workday” – Your to-do lists advise you which work you must do now and which you can do later.
2. Letting you “meet your deadlines” – Prioritize your to-do lists so you focus on your most pressing tasks first.
3. “Working on the right tasks at the right time” – A good list reduces your sense of being overwhelmed so you can get ahead.
4. “Getting more done in less time” – Focusing on “high-value activities” moves you faster toward your goals.
5. No “putting out fires” – Fires start because you spend your energies on the wrong tasks and don’t address your most important jobs.
6. Helping you “reduce your stress” – Stress occurs when you don’t meet your deadlines and important jobs pile up.
7. Learning to “improve your focus” – An effective lists helps you avoid wasting time on trivial or minor activities.
8. Being able to “eliminate…frustration and guilt” – Your to-do lists help you accomplish more. When you succeed, frustration and guilt fade away.

To-Do Lists That Go Wrong
According to I Done This, a productivity app developer, people don’t complete 41% of the tasks on their to-do lists. LinkedIn reports that 90% of professionals say they fail to get their to-do list tasks done on time. These statistics signify the ineffectiveness of many to-do lists. But what happens to your unfinished tasks? Do you move them to the next day, put them off for an indefinite period or decide to forget about them altogether? To-do lists are useless if you don’t get most of your tasks done. Many people create to-do lists with too many tasks. Put these and other problems together and you end up with the productivity paradox: To-do lists can make people less productive, not more productive. People fail to complete their daily tasks on schedule for eight main reasons:
1. “You misunderstand the goal of to-do lists” – Most people think the purpose of to-do lists is “to get things done.” They’re wrong. The purpose of top quality lists is to systematize and prioritize your tasks. When handled correctly, a list will help you focus on your most important jobs so you don’t squander your time on minutiae.
2. “You neglect to assign deadlines” – To-do lists without deadlines are useless. Having no deadline means taking no action.
3. “Your lists are too long” – Long lists are distracting and discouraging. They can paralyze you, they don’t prevent procrastination and they aren’t realistic. You have only so much time available to get things done. Loading up your lists with too many chores is an exercise in futility.
4. “Your lists have too much variability” – Are your to-do lists “brain dump repositories?” Do you list every single task that comes to mind, placing a job that will take two minutes next to a job that will take two months? With such disparity, you will either do nothing or attend to the easy jobs while ignoring the tough ones. Too-lengthy lists can cause stress.
5. “You give yourself too many options” – This can lead to a dysfunctional state known as “decision fatigue.” You tire of all the options on your list and are more likely to choose the easiest actions.
6. “You neglect to add context for each task” – Every item should include instructive context including each task’s priority, how long it will take, the relevance of each chore to your overall goals, and so on.
7. “Your tasks are defined too broadly” – Some tasks have no start or end dates. Because they’re so general, it’s difficult to know when you must complete them.
8. “Your tasks are not attached to specific goals” – People set goals so they can achieve their stated purposes for example, adding oil to the car so it will continue to run and paying taxes on time to avoid penalties. For your to-do lists to work, associate each task with a specific goal.

Toxic Negativity
Maybe you do create well-structured to-do lists, with only a few jobs, all with deadlines, all in context, not too varied and all tied to goals. But if you pulled your list together in a negative frame of mind, you still won’t be productive. Examine why you feel as you do. Your discontent and your to-do lists share a connection: When you’re unhappy, you may not have the psychological strength or energy to work diligently from your list, even perfectly organized lists. Try to understand your emotions. Once you do, you can leverage your to-do lists to increase your productivity.

“The Top 10 Most Popular To-Do List Systems”
Each of the top 10 most popular to-do list systems in use today has different features, so you can choose what will work best for you:
1. “The massive, all-inclusive list” – Under this “brain dump” system, put all your tasks on one giant list. While it’s good to get everything out of your head and onto a list, this isn’t a functional method. Having all your tasks on one long list will paralyze you.
2. “The ‘task + starting date + due date’ list” – Assign start dates and deadline dates for each task.
3. “The to-do list twosome: master task list + daily task list” – This system features one massive, all-inclusive list plus a list of the specific to-do tasks for each day.
4. “The ‘3 + 2’ strategy” – List three big tasks and two small tasks daily. The big tasks should take one to two hours. The small tasks should take 30 minutes or less.
5. “The 1-3-5 rule” – Focus daily on one major task, three medium tasks and five small tasks.
6. “The project-based system” – Create separate to-do lists for each individual project.
7.  “The 3-MIT approach” – MIT is an acronym for “most important task.” Pick three top-priority tasks to complete each day.
8. “The Kanban method” – Create three columns on a wall board: “To Do,” “Doing” and“Done.” List each task on a separate sticky note. As you work on individual tasks, move the appropriate note from one column to the next. This system will give you a great sense of satisfaction that will combat negative emotions.
9. “The matrix system” – Create a four-quadrant graphic labeled “Important: Urgent”; “Important: Not Urgent”; “Not Important: Urgent”; and “Not Important: Not Urgent.” Assign your tasks to their relevant quadrants, and work on them accordingly.
10. “Getting things done (GTD)” – This popular and much-lauded system uses an all-inclusive master-task list, with all actionable tasks segregated by context in separate, refined lists. With GTD, you review your lists weekly. GTD also includes “a ‘next-actions’ list and a ‘someday/ maybe’ list.”

“How to Create the Perfect To-Do List”
Take 10 steps to create a highly functional to-do list system based on both theoretical considerations and elements from some of the most popular systems:
1. “Isolate current tasks from future tasks” – Work on your immediate tasks each day. Each evening, move future tasks to your current tasks for the next day.
2. “Define tasks by desired outcomes” – Tie each task on your list to a specific goal.
3. “Break projects down to individual tasks” – The only way to “eat an elephant [is] one bite at a time.” Reduce projects to manageable components. Work on each element in sequence.
4. “Assign a deadline to each task” – Prioritize and be accountable.
5. “Limit the number of current tasks to seven” – Anyone can manage this number of tasks. Each task should take at least 15 minutes. Don’t include “tiny tasks” like making a call. Don’t list those tasks anywhere. Just do them.
6. “Organize tasks by project, type or location” – Create separate lists for each important category.
7. “Prune your list of unnecessary tasks” – Eliminate “wishes” (remodel the kitchen), “unclear tasks” (call John), “trivial tasks” (random little chores that come and go) and “resolutions” (promising you will learn Spanish).”
8. “Estimate the amount of time each task will take to complete” – As you learn to estimate more accurately, you will manage each day more effectively.
9. “Lead each task with an active verb” – Make each task into an action item – for example, start a load of laundry.
10. “Note which tasks require input from others” – Include this context for each chore that depends on contributions of other people.

Tips for Getting Your Most Important Work Done
1. “Keep a tiny task batch list” – Gather a list of all of your quick, easy-to do tasks. Each individual task should take 10 minutes or less to complete. Tiny tasks might include emailing a client.
2. “Conduct weekly reviews” – Periodically review your to-do lists to assess whether you’re achieving your goals. Examine your lists weekly, and look at your overall goals monthly.
3. “Avoid getting bogged down in methodology” – Your to-do list activities help you achieve your productivity goals. Don’t obsess about to-do list methods. Instead, focus of becoming more productive and getting your tasks done every day.
4. “Build and follow a system that works for you” – To-do list systems that work well for others might not work well for you. Combine or modify the elements of different systems that appeal to you to build a personal system that is right for you.

Three Additional Considerations
Although the to-do list is a fairly simple productivity management system, consider which variations will help and not hinder you and how you will design the specifics of your particular system. Consider these issues:
1. Pen and paper or digital? – Pen and paper have worked beautifully for people for hundreds of years, and some experts consider physical lists superior to online lists in terms of enhancing how your brain remembers information. Keep a small notebook with you at all times so you can jot down notes whenever and wherever you think of them. However, you can also benefit from creating and maintaining digital lists. Software applications such as Todoist can help you stay productive.
2. Synchronize your to-do lists with your calendar – Your schedule and your to-do lists can mesh effectively. For maximum productivity, work with both
3. Should you use a “done list?” – A list of completed items can help motivate you to stay on track, but it can harm productivity if it becomes one more list to worry about. Experiment: If it makes you more productive, stay with it. If not, get rid of it.

The Importance of Consistency
Now you know how to build and use effective to-do lists to maximize your productivity. However, even the greatest to-do list system is worthless if you don’t use it consistently to help you complete your tasks. To maintain your system, regularly update your productivity goals, and guard against becoming overwhelmed by your stack of tasks. If you have a busy schedule, you might slip up and stop working your lists. Think of this as falling “off the wagon.” If it happens, get right back on. The more days that go by, the harder it is to return to your lists. Everyone slips up from time to time. When you do, resume your task management activities immediately. Your daily productivity depends on it.